defenestrating: ([granado espada] rise from the ashes)
[personal profile] defenestrating
The past few weekends have been incredibly nice. I guess it's good for me to go out and do things, despite it kind of getting in the way of NaNoWriMo, but whatever. Birthday parties are always fun, and times with the waifu are a++.

When mom was driving me home from Divya's birthday party tonight, we kind of talked about my grandmother a while. Her memorial service is in two weeks (i think it's two weeks anyway; the weekend before thanksgiving), and I really wish it were sooner. It hasn't really hit me that she's gone yet, because I'm still trying to think ahead with my art projects/weekend homework and schedule around the five hour block of church+lunch+going to her nursing home for a few hours. I think I've mentioned it before that I've seen her almost once a week since she moved here sevenish years ago (maybe tenish, idk), so she was/is a huge presence in my life, and to have that suddenly gone is weird.

I'm still kind of offended that mom tried sparing my feelings by not telling me my grandmother's condition until I called her. I know I would've been upset all day, but she was my grandmother. I feel like since I was there for every visit to the hospital, every move to a new nursing facility/apartment complex, etc., that I deserved to know when she was dying. I can understand her not wanting me to be there, but I think this would be a helluva lot easier if I were updated with the entire process to have it told to me an hour before and after she died. I guess it just wasn't made final for me or something? It still comes in waves, and I know it will even after the memorial service, but I just kind of want that symbolism to hit me so I can get the major bit of mourning over with.

Because I hate feeling sad and kind of all over the place. |: I'm also not used to crying, so it really hurts to do so. le sigh

By the way, if anyone on my flist is interested, [livejournal.com profile] tobakichan and I may do another [livejournal.com profile] stock_week, and we'd love more people to participate this time. :3 It'll probably be over a holiday sometime, so it won't interfere that much with school or anything (since that's a major concern for both of us).

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jess

July 2015

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